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Grief

In the busyness of life, renovating our house, going to concerts, or spending time with friends, I sometimes don’t think about it. For a brief moment life feels almost normal. But never very long and then it feels like it’s hitting me all over again that she is gone. No more visits, no more phone conversations, no more birthdays, no more hugs, and nobody will ever say “mein Kind” to me again. My mom is the only one who said “Kind” to me and she did it up until the day she passed away although I am an adult.

So many things either remind me of mom or make me want to call her. With every room we are renovating I wish I could send her pictures. When Cash does something cute or funny I want to send her a video. If something awesome happens in my life I want to call her and share it with her because I know she would be truly happy and excited for me. I am 50 years old but when I got bitten by a dog, had surgery, and then found myself sitting alone at home (after Bob went back to work) with a full hand splint and horrible pain, I wanted to call my mom….and I couldn’t. It’s the finality of it that hurts so much.

Grief is interesting because it’s so different for everybody and it’s so unpredictable. There are times you even feel you are good, it’s over, you can think about that person without being in pain and then it hits you out of nowhere. While you are at the grocery, while walking the dog, or while cleaning the house. It’s usually at the oddest and most inopportune times and it hurts so much. You think about a ton of people you could call and talk to but you also know it won’t help because the one person you really want to talk to is gone.

It’s been almost 8 months now since my mom passed away and I miss her terribly.

Totally Simple Coconut Blueberry Smoothie

what you need:

1/2 cup homemade kefir (I strain the whey so my kefir is pretty thick)

1/2 cup coconut cream (like native forest for example)

1/2 cup frozen blueberries

stevia (optional – I did not use it)

what you do:

Blend all ingredients in a blender. Enjoy right away or place it in the fridge for a thicker consistency.

Guten Appetit!

Coffee Smoothie

It’s hot outside and I didn’t feel like eating a big lunch. A smoothie sounded good and since I am able to eat just about anything now, I decided to experiment with a smoothie recipe. It turned out pretty good.

Sorry – no pictures and I need to get one of those recipe plug-ins!

what you need:

1 cup strong brewed coffee or decaff

1.5 tablespoons coconut oil

1/4 cup homemade kefir (I filter out the whey so it’s pretty thick)

2 scoops LIVfit superfood blend

1 tablespoon almond butter

1 tablespoon collagen protein powder

4 drops liquid stevia

ice cubes to taste

what you do:

Place all ingredients except ice cubes in a blender and mix well. Add ice cubes to taste/thickness. Enjoy.

Guten Appetit!

 

Grain-Free Doggie Muffins with Frosting

Inspired by this post – thank you Marcie, for sharing this post with me.

what you need:

3 eggs

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce

1 cup natural, unsweetened peanut butter

2 tablespoons coconut flour

1/4 cup coconut milk

tallow or lamb fat for frosting (coconut oil will work as well)

what you do:

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees. Blend all ingredients until smooth. Divide equally into 12 count muffin tin – greased or lined with muffin cups. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Slightly melt tallow or lamb fat until it reaches a creamy consistency. When muffins are cool remove from muffin tin and “decorate” with tallow/lamb fat. Keep in refrigerator.

I like to add a big spoonful of coconut oil when feeding these to the dogs.

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Guten Appetit!

Low Carb BBQ Meatloaf Pizza

what you need:

what you do:

Line cookie sheet or other baking dish with aluminum foil and spray with cooking spray. Place tortillas on lined cookie sheet and spread desired amount of BBQ sauce on tortilla. Place a single layer of provolone cheese on top of BBQ sauce. Cut meatloaf into tiny pieces and sprinkle on top of provolone cheese. Now add shredded cheddar cheese, French fried onions, and cilantro.

MeatloafPizzaB4

Bake at 350 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes or until cheese is desired consistency.

Guten Appetit!

Chicory Coffee

I recently started taking chlorine dioxide internally as part of my treatment plan. Chlorine dioxide kills bugs (bacteria, fungi, viruses, parasites), breaks through biofilm, neutralizes heavy metals and more. You can Google it for more information or get Kerri Rivera’s book Healing the Symptoms Known as Autism. The new edition was just released and has an entire protocol you can follow not just for autistic children/adults, but also for other illnesses such as chronic Lyme disease.

That is not the purpose of this post however. With this protocol, you have to stop taking antioxidants because they inactivate CD. In addition, CD is dosed every hour for 8 hours a day, longer on weekends. Coffee has antioxidant properties (one of the reasons it is good for you) so I had to cut back to one cup a day. I now drink my very large cup (ok, it’s more like two) of coffee in the morning, wait two hours, then start dosing CD. I was drinking three cups a day (AM, lunch, dinner) prior to this and had to wean slowly. Weaning from the caffeine wasn’t that bad, but I totally missed having something warm and yummy to drink after lunch and dinner. It was the taste, the ritual, the warmth….all of it. So I started looking for something else. My first try was roasted dandelion tea because someone (probably on Facebook or on a blog) said it tastes just like coffee. I am not sure what kind of coffee those people are drinking, but that tea tastes nothing like the coffee I was drinking. Not only that, but it’s nasty. I mean nasty. I tried drinking it hot, cold, with stevia, blended with coconut oil, blended with coconut oil over ice and I just couldn’t deal with it.

So began my research for a coffee alternative. Of course it had to be gluten free so any kind of Teecino with barley was out. I ended up trying one of Teecino’s barley free concoctions which had chicory in it and that wasn’t bad. However, I did not like the price so I decided to order some roasted chicory root and roasted dandelion root from Mountain Rose Herbs. I realize I just said I hate dandelion root, but I found several recipes online which included dandelion root that actually sounded good.

After a lot of experimentation I finally came up with a recipe that works for me. Unlike other recipes, which call for equal parts of dandelion and chicory, I changed the ratio of the two. Adding more chicory makes for a thicker, more coffee like concoction and I actually like the taste of it. I blend it with coconut oil, just like I do with my coffee, and enjoy it hot or cold and poured over ice. Although this is good and I truly enjoy the taste, it does NOT taste like coffee. It’s “thick” like coffee, but has a completely different taste.

what you need:

5 cups filtered water

1 1/2 tablespoons ground, roasted chicory root

1/2 tablspoon ground, roasted dandelion root

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon (optional)

1 inch piece vanilla bean pod (optional)

 

what you do:

Either bring to boil and let it simmer for 5 minutes and strain or make it in a coffee press. Then prepare like you would prepare your coffee.

Guten Appetit!

January 2014 Cleanse – Day 5

Yesterday was not a good day. I had a nasty headache by mid-afternoon and in the evening I just wanted to eat. I held out for a long time but around 7:30 PM I finally gave in…and then regretted it. But today was/is a new day and I went back to fasting.

Symptoms AM:

  • Left eye lid mildly swollen, right eye lid extremely swollen
  • Heart rate walking around kitchen 145, sitting 74
  • Coated tongue
  • Mild anxiety/negativity
  • Slight upper and lower (sacrum) backache
  • No motivation
  • Very bloated belly

Symptoms Throughout Day:

  • Eye lids and face back to normal by mid-afternoon
  • Negativity went away but had mild anxiety on and off throughout the day
  • Heart rate improved because I took Metoprolol as soon as I got up
  • Feeling cold and cold hands and feet (it doesn’t help that it’s 10 degrees outside – fasting in July, when it’s in the 90s and humid, might have been a better idea!)
  • Very hungry
  • Abdomen more distended after broth and rest of day

Detox Support:

  • Chlorine dioxide enema
  • Castor oil mixed with essential oils (clary sage, frankincense, myrrh, peppermint, lavender) applied to abdomen and liver/gallbladder area while taking a bath with Epsom salt
  • Well Belly applied to abdomen after bath, and to bottom of feet at bedtime
  • Castor oil mixed with essential oils (clary sage, frankincense, myrrh, peppermint, lavender) applied to abdomen and liver/gallbladder at bedtime
  • Liposomal Vitamin C

Antimicrobials/Digestive Support:

  • Bee Propolis Extract
  • A blend of peppermint, rosemary, fennel, ginger, grapefruit, and cinnamon essential oils in olive oil
  • Digestive Enzymes

Liquids Consumed:

  • Organic coffee blended with coconut oil
  • Teecino Gluten Free Dark Roast blended with coconut oil
  • Filtered water (we have a whole house water filter for crud and fluoride)
  • Filtered water with electrolytes, micro minerals, and borax
  • Clear vegetable broth (from kale, parsley, cilantro, tomatoes, zucchini)
  • MISO soup (water and Miso Master miso)

January 2014 Cleanse – Day 3

I slept from about 10 PM until 4:40 AM. Tried to go back to sleep but that didn’t happen. Got up and had coffee with coconut oil but decided to switch from a coconut oil cleanse to a broth fast. Of course after making that decision I wanted to drink more coffee right away…with coconut oil. I didn’t but I ended up drinking Teecino in the evening blended with coconut oil. As much as I want to do a strict broth/juice fast, I just don’t think I have it in me this time. Last night was really hard actually and I was tempted to eat all night long.

I felt that adding antimicrobials while fasting wasn’t a good idea, so decided to skip them. My body is probably going through enough die off from fasting alone. But then later added back in my wormwood tincture (1/4 of the recommended dose) which gave me a headache I believe and caused me to feel more withdrawn again.

The heart rate issue is frustrating and one of my persistent symptoms that I haven’t found a solution to – yet. It’s the whole POTS issue. So I got up and my heart rate walking around was around 110 to 112. Sitting it was hovering around 72 to 74. Once my morning dose of hydrocortisone kicked in my heart rate dropped like it usually does. Walking around it was only in the 90s, however, any kind of exertion other than just walking raises it way too much. For example, I went to the garage to get some paper towels. Our garage is 8 steps down from the first floor. By the time I had walked back up to the kitchen from the garage, my heart rate went up to 120. From walking down and back up EIGHT steps. This is the reason I take a beta blocker because without it, I would not be doing much all day. Even raising my arms to brush my hair or get something from a top shelf cabinet raises my heart rate way too much.

Symptoms AM:

  • Left eye lid mildly swollen, right eye lid mores swollen but not as bad as yesterday
  • Heart rate walking around kitchen 110ish, sitting 74
  • Definite coated tongue
  • Fluid retention (detox??) but that is why my heart rate is lower – can’t figure out that connection either
  • Mild anxiety/negativity
  • Slight upper and lower (sacrum) backache
  • No motivation
  • Belly more bloated than yesterday morning

Symptoms Throughout Day:

  • Eye lids and face back to normal by mid-afternoon
  • Negativity went away and I felt like myself – joyful, motivated happy – until I took wormwood
  • Heart rate got worse throughout day for which I took Metoprolol
  • Tongue more coated
  • Increased headache early evening sometime after taking wormwood
  • Feeling cold and cold hands and feet
  • Very hungry
  • Very, very tempted to eat
  • Distended abdomen after broth and rest of day

Detox Support:

I did not do enough for detox today.

  • Well Belly applied to abdomen after shower (no bath today)
  • Castor oil mixed with essential oils (clary sage, frankincense, myrrh, peppermint, lavender) applied to abdomen and liver/gallbladder at bedtime
  • Physical therapy – not sure if this is actually detox support but I happened to have an appointment today

Antimicrobials/Digestive Support:

  • Bee Propolis Extract (took a few extra dropperfulls just because I like the taste)
  • Wormwood
  • Digestive Enzymes

Liquids Consumed:

  • Organic coffee blended with coconut oil
  • Filtered water (we have a whole house water filter for crud and fluoride)
  • Filtered water with electrolytes, micro minerals, and borax
  • Clear vegetable broth (from kale, parsley, cilantro, tomatoes, zucchini)
  • MISO soup (water and Miso Master miso)
  • GF Teecino Dark Roast blended with coconut oil

January 2014 Cleanse – Day 2

I slept pretty good until about 4 AM. Got up to use the bathroom then went back to bed and sort of dozed off until about 5:20 AM. Not bad considering I went to bed at 9 o’ clock last night.

Symptoms AM:

  • Left eye lid mildly swollen, right eye lid extremely swollen (not sure why the right always swells more in addition to other issues on the right side of my body only)
  • Heart rate walking around kitchen 104, sitting 74
  • Coated tongue
  • Mild anxiety/negativity
  • Slight upper and lower (sacrum) backache
  • No motivation
  • Mildly bloated belly

Symptoms Throughout Day:

  • Eye lids and face back to normal by mid-afternoon
  • Negativity went away but had mild anxiety on and off throughout the day
  • Heart rate got worse throughout day for which I took Metoprolol
  • Tongue more coated
  • Mild headache
  • Feeling cold and cold hands and feet (it doesn’t help that it’s 10 degrees outside – fasting in July, when it’s in the 90s and humid, might have been a better idea!)
  • Very hungry
  • Distended abdomen after broth and rest of day

Detox Support:

  • Coffee enema
  • Castor oil mixed with essential oils (clary sage, frankincense, myrrh, peppermint, lavender) applied to abdomen and liver/gallbladder area while taking a bath with Epsom salt
  • Well Belly applied to abdomen after bath, and to bottom of feet at bedtime
  • Castor oil mixed with essential oils (clary sage, frankincense, myrrh, peppermint, lavender) applied to abdomen and liver/gallbladder at bedtime
  • Liposomal Vitamin C (not sure how much but this batch is pretty strong)

 

Antimicrobials/Digestive Support:

  • Bee Propolis Extract (took a few extra dropperfulls just because I like the taste)
  • Paraclear A
  • A blend of peppermint, rosemary, fennel, ginger, grapefruit, and cinnamon essential oils in olive oil
  • Oil of Oregano
  • Digestive Enzymes

Liquids Consumed:

  • Organic coffee blended with coconut oil
  • Filtered water (we have a whole house water filter for crud and fluoride)
  • Filtered water with electrolytes, micro minerals, and borax
  • Clear vegetable broth (from organic broccoli)
  • MISO soup (water and Miso Master miso)
  • Small amount of beef broth PM

January 2014 Cleanse – Day 1

So I ate crap yesterday. Actually, I ate sort of crappy the last two days. This is in part why I felt rough this morning when I woke up. It is really not a good idea to eat a TON of food or to eat in an unhealthy manner ever, but certainly not the day before embarking on a fast. However, I think I was on too much hydrocortisone again and not only had a ravenous appetite, but was craving sweets. When my hunger hits the intensity it hit yesterday, or when I have uncontrollable sweet cravings, I usually know that something is up. It can be die off from adding a new anti-microbial, the full moon (parasites are more active), sex hormone imbalance, or in this case, too much hydrocortisone. I reduced my dose yesterday, and today, and my hunger is back to what it normally is.

Symptoms AM:

  • Swollen eye lids/small eyes
  • Puffy face/enlarged pores
  • Mild fatigue
  • Fluid retention (from eating crap yesterday!)
  • Significant abdominal distention

Symptoms Throughout Day:

  • Symptoms from morning continued except for mild improvement in swollen eye lids
  • Mildly coated tongue (yup, happens that fast for me)
  • Mild headache
  • Mild sweaty smell
  • Vacillating between mild anxiety and eerily cheerful/funky mood
  • Mild bad breath (I hate this one the most)
  • Feeling slightly cold starting late afternoon

Detox Support:

  • Coffee enema
  • Castor oil mixed with essential oils (clary sage, frankincense, myrrh, peppermint, lavender) applied to abdomen and liver/gallbladder area while taking a bath with Epsom salt
  • Zeolite
  • Charcoal
  • Well Belly applied to abdomen after bath, and to abdomen and bottom of feet at bedtime

Liquids Consumed:

  • Organic coffee* blended with coconut oil**
  • Filtered water (we have a whole house water filter for crud and fluoride)
  • Filtered water with electrolytes, micro minerals, and borax
  • Clear vegetable broth (from organic broccoli)
  • MISO soup (water and Miso Master miso)

*It is NOT recommended to consume caffeine while fasting/cleansing, but it seems to work for me.

**I can’t really call this a fast since I am consuming coconut oil. However, I have done coconut oil cleanses before and have had great results/benefits. Adding in a little coconut oil felt right. Tomorrow may be a different story.