In the busyness of life, renovating our house, going to concerts, or spending time with friends, I sometimes don’t think about it. For a brief moment life feels almost normal. But never very long and then it feels like it’s hitting me all over again that she is gone. No more visits, no more phone conversations, no more birthdays, no more hugs, and nobody will ever say “mein Kind” to me again. My mom is the only one who said “Kind” to me and she did it up until the day she passed away although I am an adult.
So many things either remind me of mom or make me want to call her. With every room we are renovating I wish I could send her pictures. When Cash does something cute or funny I want to send her a video. If something awesome happens in my life I want to call her and share it with her because I know she would be truly happy and excited for me. I am 50 years old but when I got bitten by a dog, had surgery, and then found myself sitting alone at home (after Bob went back to work) with a full hand splint and horrible pain, I wanted to call my mom….and I couldn’t. It’s the finality of it that hurts so much.
Grief is interesting because it’s so different for everybody and it’s so unpredictable. There are times you even feel you are good, it’s over, you can think about that person without being in pain and then it hits you out of nowhere. While you are at the grocery, while walking the dog, or while cleaning the house. It’s usually at the oddest and most inopportune times and it hurts so much. You think about a ton of people you could call and talk to but you also know it won’t help because the one person you really want to talk to is gone.
It’s been almost 8 months now since my mom passed away and I miss her terribly.