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Grief

In the busyness of life, renovating our house, going to concerts, or spending time with friends, I sometimes don’t think about it. For a brief moment life feels almost normal. But never very long and then it feels like it’s hitting me all over again that she is gone. No more visits, no more phone […]

Coffee Smoothie

It’s hot outside and I didn’t feel like eating a big lunch. A smoothie sounded good and since I am able to eat just about anything now, I decided to experiment with a smoothie recipe. It turned out pretty good.

Sorry – no pictures and I need to get one of those recipe plug-ins!

what […]

starting over – again

Yesterday sucked. The whole day was a struggle. Starting some time in the afternoon I wanted to chew and spit. I didn’t get back down on my knees, but I kept praying silently. I asked God to help me. This is where I don’t understand 12 step programs. If *I* am powerless and I am […]

rough day

I woke up around 5 AM but stayed in bed for another hour. I was drifting in and out of sleep. Every time I woke up I prayed for people. When I finally got up I did not get on my knees to pray. It wasn’t until later, while I was out running errands, that […]

on my knees

For months now I have quite frequently felt this overwhelming urge to get on my knees and pray. I don’t think it’s God indicating if I am not on my knees my prayers won’t be answered, but more of a desperation and frustration in my heart. Yet most of the time I don’t. Sometimes I […]

::day 3::

Today is my third day of water fasting and I really want some coffee or green tea. The first two days were relatively easy and I even exercised, but today I am feeling it. My whole body is achy, I am tired, my tongue has a white coating on it, and I have a headache. […]

::back to reality::

I have spent most of my life unaware. I don’t remember about 98% of my childhood, or my teenage years, twenties, and to some degree my thirties are a blurr. For a while it had gotten better but here lately I feel like I am “gone” again – I mean mentally.

Today I was sitting […]

::life::

I wonder why some people have a seemingly great life while others struggle along and are hit with one hardship after another. I realize I am throwing myself a pity-party here, but I am wondering when it gets better. When does life become enjoyable? When do I wake up looking forward to the day rather […]

::Dr. Bolte::

The cleanse I did in January did nothing for me. Neither is SCD or the 10 day broth/tea/water fast I did in February. I finally weighed myself and I have put on 14 lbs – I gained it all between September and December and now can’t seem to lose it. It goes without saying how […]

::time::

A whole month has gone by since I last blogged. How does that always happen?

My orthotics came in and I have less pain now. My hormones on the other hand continued to be out of control. Since Dr. Wallner insisted that my dose of hormones was not too high (I was getting between 100 […]